July 6th, 2010 On the cooling of emotions with the temperance of age.

I have been noticing the last few years as I have gotten closer to being 30, that my preferences are either changing subconsciously or I am changing.

My feelings have been cooling for some time. Whereas they used to be constant, bright, and vivid, always feeling, always in pain or happy but something has slowly faded to just cold precision and analyzing of an abstract nature. Mostly searching for meaning, then connections to other things, then to ultimately the bare essential facts of the abstractions nature, whatever it is that I am picking apart.

I have noticed that I am spending much more time sitting and thinking things through rationally and logically, and though I am struggling with it now I feel it is growing and getting stronger, it actually makes me feel quite optimistic in a way because I know its probably just my Ti kicking in to shape and really trying to develop itself.

When INFJs or other NFs start getting older, do they master their emotions and then begin to apply new criteria as their brain matures?

If so, I say good, feelings never got me anywhere, in fact they were a fucking burden most of the time.

I still have feelings, but its like, they are getting more defined specifically, not that I know what they are, but what I am saying is that my mental skin must also be growing thicker because the buttons that set off my feelings are becoming more defined, not so much the feelings themselves.

I am trying to analyze my own mind and what I know about myself, but its like lately the last couple of years I have really been getting good at it and understanding myself and my nature and what I can do and cant do.

I almost feel hyper aware of myself, not just the deep convoluted abstractions of my ever swirling miasma of ideas and thoughts in head but for my body, I can focus my mind and feel my pulse, feel my heart beating, feel the data travel from my brain to my finger tips as I tell them to move and type, feel the fibers in my lungs screaming in agony over the abuse I give them, feel the digestive enzymes, see through my skin and see the intricate harmony of bone, sinew, muscle, tendon, blood, electricity, atoms, data, and intelligence.

Working as a system all together, pumping life into this body so that I can fade into this reality via my sense and just think and taste reality and existing… I am the universe.

I’m not even tripping, the lsd, bud, all that shit never really had a strong effect on me, even under the influence of gargantuan amounts of shit I always was able to remain “there” even through a bad trip, knowing whats happening to me, feeling the anxiety shrink wrap my brain with adrenaline and cortisol, was still there, calm, collected, analyzing. Vomit, pain is over, I feel better, still there, analyzing.

I even went so far to obliterate myself that I took 4 tabs at a whack, and when it melted the brains of my friends and they curled up into a corner crying on half the dose, I’m analyzing.

I don’t know if I am too connected to the reality of this dimension, tbh, who knows this could be a dream, a terribly boring and mundane dream.

Anyway tangent over,

I think age is giving more precision in the form of a developing Thinking function, my feelings in contrast seem like they have to share the spotlight and as such are reducing and diminishing in intensity.

Has anyone else ever undergone something like this?

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