Archive for the ‘Advice’ Category
This is a fun list for taking care of an INFJ you are dating. Its pretty close as far as we go, this is good stuff to know because INFJ type personalities can be hard to figure out. Taken originally from the user Von Hase at the INFJs.com forums here.
We get you, dont worry.
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This thread is for tips for those who have INFJs in their lives, but are not INFJs themselves. I’ve noticed that there are quite a few members here who are looking for this sort of advice, so this is the place to offer it – be the relationships romantic, friendly, professional, or otherwise.
Here are my tips for the Proper Care of Your INFJ if you are in a romantic relationship with us.
1. Your INFJ adores you more than they can express with words. Even if they don’t tell you verbally, they will show you how they feel through their patience, kindness, and willingness to please you.
2. Thank your INFJ with sincere hugs and kisses, and tell us you appreciate the things that we do for you. Just knowing that you’re aware of it is reward enough to keep us overjoyed (and enthusiastically continuing to do all the things you love that we do for you).
3. If an INFJ is in a romantic relationship with you, they consider you their number one priority in life. Your happiness and well being are the most important things in their lives.
4. Your INFJ can sense your emotions even more acutely than if you were telling us with words. We can feel what you are feeling. Don’t be alarmed by this as we will never use it against you. However, this means you can never lie to us. If you try, we will know, it will hurt our feelings badly that you did.
5. We love it when you just walk up to us and hold us. No words. Nothing complicated. Just gently wrap your arms around us and focus on how you feel about us. We can feel it like it is pouring out of you and into us. Don’t be alarmed if we cry when you do this.
6. We love to listen. Don’t be afraid to tell us what is on your mind, even if we didn’t ask. We love you and respect your privacy, and don’t like to pry.
7. We also love it when you listen to us. Please ask us questions to show us that you care, and let us talk when you do. The more intently you are interested in how we feel and what we have to say, the more we will love you.
8. Sometimes we need to recharge our minds, and will sit and stare blankly into space. This is perfectly normal, as your INFJ is rebooting their amazing mind. Systems will be online again shortly.
9. We thrive in an environment with just you, and a few of our closest loved ones. The more opportunities you help us create for these kinds of environments, the happier we will be.
10. We don’t do well in crowds for extended periods. We will join you in them if that’s where you want to go, but please be mindful of the duration of contact. INFJs may become unresponsive and even irritable when exposed to crowds for too long.
11. While we are extremely affectionate with you, we’re generally not interested in being affectionate with anyone else, and physical contact with strangers may unsettle your INFJ. It is best to keep strangers from attempting to pet your INFJ.
12. Your INFJ accepts you for everything you are. However, INFJs can be especially eccentric. If you accept your INFJ’s eccentricities and peculiar interests, this will greatly increase your INFJ’s happiness.
13. INFJs are otherwise very self sufficient low maintenance pets, and can be left to their own little worlds for extended periods. However, infrequent moments of affection are always appreciated.
14. Always kiss your INFJ goodnight and tell them that you love them, even if you’re not going to sleep when they do.
15. Always cuddle with your INFJ when they wake up and greet their day with love.
16. Your INFJ will have a reflex to help others. Do not be alarmed by this, as it does not in any way reflect on how your INFJ feels about you, or your relationship. It is simply our nature to help others – sometimes to a degree that makes the ones we love assume they are less of a priority. Nothing could be further from the truth.
17. Your INFJ is a planner. Sometimes spontaneity leaves us in a position that we cannot plan how to best make you happy, and we find this upsetting. Please understand that we are never upset with you, only the situation.
18. Your INFJ is very idealistic and principled. If you need us to go against our ideals or principles to make you happy, this can cause us a great deal of internal turmoil and tension. Please be mindful of our ideals and principles and avoid asking us to go against them.
19. When an INFJ’s ideals or principles are offended, we will pull away quickly. This may look very similar to our normal modes of being lost in our heads to the untrained eye, as we do not like to cause tension or disharmony. To best care for your INFJ, learn to spot this reaction and quickly make right whatever was wrong, even if it is simply an opinion. This will bring us back to the harmony we need to be our healthiest.
20. No one will ever love you as much as your INFJ.
Popularity: 100% [?]
The further I go the less I believe in love as a form of abstraction… its really fucking tough to make things work out and usually someone has to swallow a lot of poison to make it work. It leads me to question life long monogamy, and I say this at 28 going into 29 a males prime years, and while I have no shortage of ladies who are interested, I cant help but to wonder, whats the point? I fear the die hard romantic in me is slowly being murdered by the side of me that wallows in insecure pessimism.
I have become something of the Simon Cowell of the dating world around here… I talk to a lady and all I can do is sniff out an agenda, what you are looking for Mr. Right? Someone who will love you and your faults and treat you with respect and take care of you when you need it and remain loyal and faithful while still being attractive and has pride and self dignity? Why yes that’s me, and what do you bring to the table? Nothing? oh… Sex? oh… woopdifuckingdoo.
I remember pining away in college drawing with charcoal late into the night or scribbling in my journal wondering when I was going to find the woman who completed me. Apparently she never showed up and I ended up having to complete myself. Now that I got that going for me people want in on it… except I don’t want them in on it because it took me long enough to get here.
The more things change…
At this point I see relationships more like a business transaction, I do want to have children and a family, but the steps I must take to get them seems kind of asinine to me.
Will Miss perfect show up? I am doubtful. Then again I stinted on nothing in a relationship I sacrificed for for 8 years and then she took off when I had nothing left in the emotional reserves to give. She sucked me dry and then left. Maybe I am just bitter and hurt still I dunno.
Popularity: 4% [?]
November 10th, 2009 Nipple
I wrote this little story years ago when I was in college. It was my experience when I got my nipple pierced. It is still on BMEzine.com under the email “Khardis@aol.com” which is the email I used at the time…obviously. Anyway it kind of crude and such but take it for what it is. 
Hi, my name is Bill and I have recently undergone the joy of male nipple piercing; and let me say one thing: it was great. Going in i thought that i was going to be in for some serious pain and that it was going to hurt and all that but, to be quite honest and to my surprise, it didn’t hurt at all. This was yesterday Sat. the 2nd of February. I went to Underworld Tattoo near Central Connecticut State University with two of my friends who basically wanted to come along and laugh at me when i “scream like a little girl” (little did they know). Underworld Tattoo is the same place where i had my tongue pierced and gotten my tattoos done as well. If there is anyone in the Central CT area who is interested in a place to get a body mod, i highly recommend them. Anyway, as soon as i arrived at the place my friends started laughing at me and trying to make me paranoid because they noticed that i was getting my pre-pierce jitters. I always get these jitters, despite the fact that i know that the piercing is never as painful as i think it will be. Besides messing with my head, they spent the spare time walking around the shop looking at tattoo flashes and photos of different piercings that the shop had recently done. They did this until Sal called me back to the back room. The moment of truth had come, i was at the point of no return.
When I got in the back room, my pre-piercing jitters were intense. i must admit that i was pretty nervous, since i had always heard about how painful a nipple piercing is, but Sal is a very cool guy very friendly. He saw that i was nervous and began to about idle things, some about this site , to get my mind off of everything. Anyway i get it done, I’m sure many of you know the routine. The piercing took less than 30 mins, most of which was just Sal prepping the materials and such. By the time i realized what was happening, it was all over. So there we were:
First, he cleaned my nipples and spoke to me about the necessary aftercare and all that good stuff.
Second, he marked the nipples, and told me to stand and check it in the mirror to make sure it looked right to me.
Third, he clamped my nipple.
Fourth, he told me to breathe in and then to exhale.
Fifth, by the time i had begun to exhale it was already in.
Sixth, he added the jewelry and i was basically done.
There it was, a great new nipple piercing for me to dote on. I was very happy, especially with the thought that “hey this doesn’t even hurt! What the hell?!” But seriously, for anyone who is wondering if it’ll hurt, don’t take my word on it since, as they all say, pain is a uniquely personal experience. You see, to me the pain was nothing but to others it can be hideous and excruciating. Everyone knows their own body’s tolerance for pain.
So, after i get my mod done i go back out to the waiting area and show off my new piercing. My friends Josh and Bry ask me all sorts of questions and, guess what, are really interested in it. They also confess that they want to get something done too. So Josh decided to get his tongue pierced and Bry wanted to get a tattoo. He would have gotten a tribal dragon tattoo that he had thought was cool if the tattoo artist wasn’t busy. The tattoo artist is named Marco, and he is also a really cool guy. He seems to have a real love for the art.
Ok, so let me get to the crux of this whole thing. Basically i want everyone to know that if you’re interested in getting something done like a nipple piercing: DO IT. Nipple piercing is an exciting and unforgettable experience, and a practically painless one as well.
You should never let a fear of pain get in your way. If you let your fears of pain, failure or the like, push you away from your goals you’ll be a little scared person living in corners the rest of your life. Take a chance and be crazy, you only live once! Enjoy it! I forget where this quote is from, but i think that i heard it on Strangeland, and my sister tells me it is from HellRaiser, but it goes “Short is the pain, Long is the ornament” So folks just do it and you’ll be glad you did, I am. Peace out. Bill.
I had that piercing for the better part of a few years until I ripped it out accidently one night while I was sleeping. And when I say rip I mean my nipple, the ring got caught on a blanket and in one of my tossy-turns in the night it ripped it out. I woke up in a pool of blood. Benefits of having a nipple piercing are pretty straight forward, aside from it being awesome in general it made my nipple hyper sensitive to touch, sexually this pleased me because when I was with a girl who was very good with foreplay she would work that and the ring. A girlfriend at the time once got me off to an orgasm without ever touching my penis. It was pretty intense, man how I miss that sweet nipple piercing.
Popularity: 18% [?]
1. Whenever someone tells you that they and their husband just “Started a business” and they want to “have a meeting to discuss its details with people.” you should go running. Its a network marketing thing.
2. Never shave your face, balls and dick immediately before going off to the big show. Lest ye be vexed!
3. When she says shes only slept with 12 guys she forgot to mention she is cognitively dyslexic.
4. When you roll a joint of cannabis, please please please cut the cannabis with scissors or a grinder 1st don’t use clumps.
5. Stop eating at Wendys!
6. When playing Call of Duty, never reload in the doorway you fucking retard!
7. Sex without pain is like masturbating inside someone.
8. Videogames and gaming culture is sexy goddamnit!
9. knowledge is its own reward.
10. Chivalry isn’t dead. I got that shit on life support.
Popularity: 3% [?]
September 16th, 2009 Introvert
For the duration of my life thus far I have known I was not the most outgoing person. I knew all the answers in school but didn’t want to raise my hand, I knew what people were thinking before they realized they were thinking it but I never put it in their faces. I found it easier to just remain silent and let everyone else unfold naturally without any sort of manipulation. Some people I knew were very outgoing they had friends, they were “popular” a word that still makes me cringe on gritted teeth. I learned in time that I was an Introvert. According to pathology it means I essentially internalize everything from the outside and in and I hold on to it.
This acts as a sort of double edged sword. While one side gives me razor sharp and precise intuition that allows me to peer briefly into the future given the facts at hand, the other acts like a ticking time bomb, a computer collecting dust in its main ports slowly eroding and corroding in time. It is a strange, advantageous yet unhealthy duality. The ability to see and know, but the lack of ability to act naturally, which I know now comes with learning and time. If I only had been exposed to the inner workings of my mind from an earlier age I might not have swallowed so much poison from my life, which I feel inside like an angry caged brute in the basement of my mind, rattling its cell doors, looking for an escape. When it does escape, I cower in futile terror as it rages, stamps, tears and rips its way through the waking world, a shadowy alter ego fueled by negative energy. So far I have found that this beast is mostly self destructive, it will not harm people I love and care for, but how much of that is played into by the fact that what set the beast free is usually guilty feelings as opposed to angry feelings? So when I am smashing holes into the walls with my fists, am I actually beating myself in an angry, guilty disgust for my lack of an ability to “Do”?
I was once told that my Grandfather Richard had a personality very similar to mine. I can only imagine how horrible it would have been to grow up in his conditions, beaten and broken day after day by an angry abusive drunken Irish father. To an introvert, all he could do was to swallow that anger and misery and internalize it as his core system. So he was flawed by his childhood and as a man when he had his own children he continued the cycle from drinking to angry violent abuse. From holding Grams head to the floor under his boot with a blade to her neck and making my Aunts and Uncles plead with him not to kill her, to the broken jaws, the extreme punishments and depression which eventually lead to his suicide via gassing himself in an oven the night before he was supposed to go to court for “raping” a girl. In an ironic and sadistic twist of fate he was actually innocent of the charges, but he was dead before anyone could know. The final straw in a long series of events which destroyed my Grandfather and shattered his family forever.
I am deeply terrified of this situation. I feel the beast clawing away ever growing inside, but could I do those things to the ones I love as Richard did? He wasn’t always so abusive as I have been told, it wasn’t until he lost himself in the bottle that the beast truly let loose and began to burn their lives like a fire in a summer wind. My foray into drugs and drinking have showed me that I have the capacity to act violently when emotion overtakes my rationality. Like a torrent of water ripping down sand-blocks and dams draining into my fists, hardened and white knuckled, ready to swing, to swing and destroy with all the fury of hell.
How permanent is the beast and is there a way to starve him his affections he feeds on that doesn’t involve becoming an utter zombie? I don’t want to be like my grandfather, I don’t want to hurt my loved ones, but how can I not? At twenty-eight and change I feel the weight of my life crushing down upon me and I feel the sting and allure of the bottle or drugs. They seem like convenient temporary escapes, to just take that edge off. When I go sober and clean and I refuse to pollute myself I find that great depression will amass like clouds and the longer I go the darker they get until I become utterly self absorbed to the point where I feel nothing but the lonely stinging in my heart. Every heartbeat is like an eternity in solitary confinement. Which will leads me to two courses of action, Fuck or Flee. I can go find some woman to seduce, sex, and emotionally destroy or I can flee into myself with a joint, or a 12 pack. I can still feel the anguish in that state but its diminished and its like a free wheeling sense of freedom from my inaction. If the beast looses I smash things, if my family is there I break down and tell them I love them, if a woman is with me, I will ravage her vagina. The things I want to do when I am sober and I am taken by mood, but I hold back. Only in the lamented bliss of intoxication they are exponentiated to the umpteenth degree.
I must figure out how to get a grip before I allow this to destroy me. My brother tells me I am not my father or my grandfather, but he is mistaken. I am not them, but I AM them, I feel them inside me. Screaming raging spirits of good men destroyed by the pain and torture of reality. The reality that people know of in great novels, or the Jerry Springer show. I don’t think I can rise above my breeding, but I am at least cognitive of what I am doing on a semi conscious level. The other fear being, that they might have been as well.
Popularity: 4% [?]
I wrote this last night to a girl I had been seeing. She is an INFJ. We were going strong, REALLY strong briefly an we clicked well and had chemistry and then I messed it all up by going AWOL on her because I couldn’t handle it at that point in my life. I was looking for a girlfriend when I should have been looking for a booty call to get over my Ex… anyway What do you other INFJs especially female INFJs think of this letter? I havent spoken to her in almost 2 months. Feedback would be appreciated.
I know that I am probably the last person you wanted to hear from or expected to. And right about now I am sure you are wondering why the hell this douche is emailing you. Let me explain; basically I just wanted to tell you that I am sorry for what I did to you, and that I apologize for being a cunt. I know this is a day late and a dollar short and I am certain you hate me. That’s fine. I can take that, its what I deserve. I would feel the same I think. Anyway What I did to you was unforgivable of course, but I have been thinking about it and its been eating away at me. Which is probably why I am writing this at 4AM 2 hours before I am supposed to be at work. Anyway I wont excuse what I did to you but you are entitled if anything for your curiosity to know why I was an asshole. I accept full responsibility for my actions and why I did what I did. Essentially I sort of freaked out. I had a string of bad things happen to me around that time and shortly after, but that’s nothing.
Really the reason I did it was because as I said I freaked out. I had just come out of a long long relationship with a woman who basically destroyed me. I was still a little fucked up from that when we started to get to know one an other. Not fucked up enough that I couldn’t be honest, I was honest with you right up until I flipped out and went AWOL. But I was worried mainly that I was getting into another relationship WAAAY too fast without properly healing. I blame myself for this, I thought I could handle it, but I was wrong, and in the process I included you in my dysfunction and I hurt you. For that I am deeply ashamed of myself and deeply sorry. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt somebody, lest of all a woman whom I felt was really clicking with me on levels I had never felt before. I wanted to let you know that that was real. And after you had told me you were an INFJ is sort of what sparked the beginning of my meltdown.
It seemed too good to be true, too impossible to happen to me. That I would be so lucky. As you might have noticed by now I have a slight penchant for self destruction, it hasn’t been a major factor in my life really, but I was thinking about this stuff earlier and I cant believe how insensitively foolish I had acted. Long story short I panicked and cut you off in an attempt to return to my “safety zone” which is really quite ridiculous. I let a really great catch go. And not telling you this when you asked to know the truth was utter cruelty on my part. Again I am truly sorry. I have never done that to someone before, well to be honest I have never really ever broken it off with anyone, so I am not experienced with that. Not an excuse, I know, please don’t think I am excusing myself, I’m not. I am prepared to swallow this guilt, Ive been swimming in it. And its gotten me to the point where I am losing sleep over it. So here I am, its 4:11 AM and I just wanted to tell you what happened and that I am sorry. If you choose to delete this and write me off, I will understand. I will accept your anger and hatred and chalk it up to my idiocy. But I thought you deserved to know how I felt, I didn’t want you to think I was some asshole player, because that is not me. I had a really good time talking to you and I thought you were a very intelligent and intuitive person. In fact, I was sort of awed by your ability to know as much shit as I do, that is not normal for me to meet a woman who can keep me on my toes like that.
Anyway, again, oceans of apologies truly I hope you could find it in your heart to at least not despise me for the fool I was. I hope you find a great guy who will treasure you and treat you like the jewel you are. Thats just what I wanted to tell you.
Popularity: 8% [?]
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