Archive for the ‘Review’ Category
If I had a choice between playing a new Xbox360 game and playing an all time classic like Streets of Rage 2, I would of course pick the Xbox360. When I got bored with that I would bust out my emulator, sync up with my brother Rick and play the hell out of some SoR2. Oh hell yes we would!
Streets of Rage 2 was by far the best and greatest, nay the pinnacle of the brawler “beat em up” style game. Double Dragon, the Ninja Turtles games, Bad Dudes – all the rancid dog-doodie on bottom of SoR2’s boots.
If you don’t believe me then it’s clear that you haven’t played this game. Yes it’s that good, so good that if you disagree then your opinion is literally wrong. Dealing with that kind of extremity is what playing this game is all about. Why only yesterday I was a mere lad and I stole this title from my friend, I somehow convinced him that he “lost it.” *snortle* Used to hook that bad boy up and play with my brother all through the night.
Now this is the best and most important part of the game. This is what makes the game most worthwhile, and why it’s a testament to Japanese perversion. Choose the character Blaze, the hot brunet with the great gravity defying rack. Make her do her cartwheel kick and pause just as her legs are at a 90 degree angle. UNDERWEAR!!!! Purty pink panties! Old Mary Jane Rotten-crotch! BOOYAH! Is what you would say if you were like 13, which I was at the time.
Now there is no reason for you to play this game. 
Provided you were able to make it past the 1st level and all the panty-peekabooing, you were in for a lush beautiful 2D rendered world of punks, hookers, fat guys with chains, motorcycles from Beyond Thunderdome and Mr. X. The game progresses from left to right standard 2D side scrolling action, with the occasional diagonal right-down and an elevator scene or two. The colors are gorgeous and the characters look really defined for a 16 bit game.
Story-wise you’re out you rescue Adam, the black dude from SoR1. He’s been kidnapped by that rascal Mr. X. You got a couple friends to come along for the ball-breakery, including Adams kid brother Skate, and a gigantic wrestler named Max. You go from scene to scene kicking ass and chewing bubble gum, even though you’re ALL OUT OF BUBBLEGUM BABY! This game packs so much punch that in order to keep up with demand for ass kickery, Sega had to import cheap colons from Mexico. Unfortunately the colons were of such a sub-par quality from all the chipotle blood stains, they soon had to switch to Indian suppliers… much better quality even if they smell like curried goat.
If they made a video game version for that song “Old Time Rock N Roll” then it would be this game. If you are a 16 bit Sega aficionado this is a title that belongs in your collection.
Popularity: 20% [?]
You know why the video games of yesteryear are better than the games today? Simplicity. I find myself taking frequent breaks from the overly polished games of today to play my old Sega Genesis or NES. After all, why watch hours of rendered cut scenes in Resident Evil 5 or Rise of the Argonauts when I can jump on turtle shells, fall into never ending pits of doom or kill vampires in luscious 2D side scroll-ers? Games made more sense back then. They were simple – shoot bubbles at enemies, pop them, eat the crystals or cakes they drop and keep going until you rescue your sexy dragon-woman girlfriend. SO SEXY! Easy, right? Who wants to play a game where you are the dream of a dead race that might have existed inside of someone’s imagination? Is that plot confusing? That’s how I felt when I played Final Fantasy VIII.
You may be wondering what I am getting at, let me be direct – the games of today suck compared to my biased nostalgia of games like Mario 3, the Adventure of Link, and Bubble Bobble. And it is with love for those old time classics that I am going to pay tribute to one of the best RPG games I ever played: Sword of Vermillion.
*FANFARE*
I can clearly remember when I was 7 or 8 busting my ass, and possibly some child labor laws cutting grass, raking leaves, and shoveling snow to come up with enough dough to buy a Turbo Graphics 16 game system. I reeeeallllly wanted Bonks Adventure because the commercial was so awesome. My Nintendo Entertainment System while great and having well over 200 titles on my basement floor, was no longer cutting it. and the next generation of video gaming had begun, 16 bits! Well there we were, pops took me to the local Toy Works and I had 160 dollars. He said “What do you want?” At the time I couldn’t remember the name Bonk so I was trying to explain “The game with the guy with the giant head!” No one understood… oh the life of an introverted child.
What I ended up leaving with, very accidentally, was Sega Genesis. And how!
The 1st game I bought for it was Sword of Vermillion, the guy told me it was like the Legend of Zelda. In retrospect he should be tortured for lying to such a sweet young boy as I was. Be that as it may, the selection was quite limited, the Sega Genesis was still pretty new – they were still running the “Genesis DOES! What Ninten-don’t” ad campaign on TV and on the kiosk in the store.
Sword of Vermillion, how I love thee. How clever I thought I was naming my Character “Billya.” My name, in case you didn’t get it, is Billy… but when you’re 8 adding the “A” on there was a clever way of pretending my name could sound like it came from fantasy antiquity.
SoV was an awesome game and tough as shit for someone my age, not so much today. It’s an RPG of sorts that used a weird overhead mini-map system when moving around and had plenty of randomly spawning monsters. In battle it was kind of like the legend of Zelda in that it was real action, of course the similarities ended there. In the boss fights (masters as we called them a hold over from our days watching “Captain N and the Game Masters”) it was side scrolling real time action. There was no real strategy per say, but tell that to a kid who is struggling with his multiplication tables.
Father? NOOOOOOOOO!!!111oneone
The plot is this: Our adventurer Billya is called to his dying father (or so he thought) Blade. Blade tells you that your real father was King Erik of Excalibra. He and his long time friend and ally Tsarkon the King of Carpathia were collecting the 16
rings of the gods. 8 good and 8 evil. Of course, like the dumbshits they were, they started with the rings of evil first and wouldn’t you know it Tsarkon turned into a total douche, he killed Erik, crushed Excalibra and decided to go after the rest of the rings. To anyone paying attention you might be wondering if the rings of good would have made him become neutral. Well… they don’t. Anyway, Blade escapes with you apparently as a baby along with the Ring of Wisdom. (which is a ring of good). Blade tells you to go and get it from a cave and begin your quest of ruining Tsarkon’s shit.
Did I? Hell yeah I did. I busted some skeleton ass in that cave, got my ring and traveled on. You pretty much travel the mini map to different locations, each harder than the last. You go to a kingdom, meet a king and he either tries to kill you, send you on an errand or both. Eventually you get a ring of good from him. One king was a total cock though: The King of Swiftham, a dirty, greedy, bastard. If he represented a real life person I bet he would run a Cumberland Farms convenience store with 10 dollar potatoes and 2 dollar 8 oz sodas and be the only one open late the night before Thanksgiving. Well he makes you go to 3 separate caves to get 3 gems for him. 3! Eventually he gives up the ring not out of kindness though. I think a size 11 boot print on his ass did the job. In another town a little girl meets you on the road and you help her out. It turns out she is a giant 2 headed fire tossing demon. You own her ass like a total pimp and she gives you a spell book of healing. BONUS!
In time you make your way to Excalibra and meet an old dude who tells you more of the game’s back story, then fueled by the rage of some unknown guy killing the father you never met you go to Carpathia. There’s a hot princess who totally wants your package there so in my head I imagined getting it on with her before heading off to take on Tsarkon. He is in a cave, (Obviously) however his area is locked, and in order to get to him you have to fight EVERY boss you fought previously all over again to get their keys to gain access. *Facepalm*
In the final battle, like all evil weenies, he offers you his hand in partnership despite the fact that it’s crammed with 8 evil rings and he’s the guy who killed your daddy. You say “NO! NO YOU BEAST I WILL DESTROY YOU!” At least that’s what I was yelling at the TV. And take him on in mortal combat. 2 men enter, 1 man leaves! Guess who? ME. That’s right bitch! Then I traveled back to Carpathia for some sweet sweet loving in the tender hands of the princess. YES! The end! You are my hero!
Anyway, I still sneak off from World of Warcraft, Halo or whichever of today’s games to find solace of reliving the fantasy in the world of Sword of Vermillion. The game is easy by today’s standards, but goddamn what a sweet escape.
Popularity: 14% [?]
November 10th, 2009 Nipple
I wrote this little story years ago when I was in college. It was my experience when I got my nipple pierced. It is still on BMEzine.com under the email “Khardis@aol.com” which is the email I used at the time…obviously. Anyway it kind of crude and such but take it for what it is. 
Hi, my name is Bill and I have recently undergone the joy of male nipple piercing; and let me say one thing: it was great. Going in i thought that i was going to be in for some serious pain and that it was going to hurt and all that but, to be quite honest and to my surprise, it didn’t hurt at all. This was yesterday Sat. the 2nd of February. I went to Underworld Tattoo near Central Connecticut State University with two of my friends who basically wanted to come along and laugh at me when i “scream like a little girl” (little did they know). Underworld Tattoo is the same place where i had my tongue pierced and gotten my tattoos done as well. If there is anyone in the Central CT area who is interested in a place to get a body mod, i highly recommend them. Anyway, as soon as i arrived at the place my friends started laughing at me and trying to make me paranoid because they noticed that i was getting my pre-pierce jitters. I always get these jitters, despite the fact that i know that the piercing is never as painful as i think it will be. Besides messing with my head, they spent the spare time walking around the shop looking at tattoo flashes and photos of different piercings that the shop had recently done. They did this until Sal called me back to the back room. The moment of truth had come, i was at the point of no return.
When I got in the back room, my pre-piercing jitters were intense. i must admit that i was pretty nervous, since i had always heard about how painful a nipple piercing is, but Sal is a very cool guy very friendly. He saw that i was nervous and began to about idle things, some about this site , to get my mind off of everything. Anyway i get it done, I’m sure many of you know the routine. The piercing took less than 30 mins, most of which was just Sal prepping the materials and such. By the time i realized what was happening, it was all over. So there we were:
First, he cleaned my nipples and spoke to me about the necessary aftercare and all that good stuff.
Second, he marked the nipples, and told me to stand and check it in the mirror to make sure it looked right to me.
Third, he clamped my nipple.
Fourth, he told me to breathe in and then to exhale.
Fifth, by the time i had begun to exhale it was already in.
Sixth, he added the jewelry and i was basically done.
There it was, a great new nipple piercing for me to dote on. I was very happy, especially with the thought that “hey this doesn’t even hurt! What the hell?!” But seriously, for anyone who is wondering if it’ll hurt, don’t take my word on it since, as they all say, pain is a uniquely personal experience. You see, to me the pain was nothing but to others it can be hideous and excruciating. Everyone knows their own body’s tolerance for pain.
So, after i get my mod done i go back out to the waiting area and show off my new piercing. My friends Josh and Bry ask me all sorts of questions and, guess what, are really interested in it. They also confess that they want to get something done too. So Josh decided to get his tongue pierced and Bry wanted to get a tattoo. He would have gotten a tribal dragon tattoo that he had thought was cool if the tattoo artist wasn’t busy. The tattoo artist is named Marco, and he is also a really cool guy. He seems to have a real love for the art.
Ok, so let me get to the crux of this whole thing. Basically i want everyone to know that if you’re interested in getting something done like a nipple piercing: DO IT. Nipple piercing is an exciting and unforgettable experience, and a practically painless one as well.
You should never let a fear of pain get in your way. If you let your fears of pain, failure or the like, push you away from your goals you’ll be a little scared person living in corners the rest of your life. Take a chance and be crazy, you only live once! Enjoy it! I forget where this quote is from, but i think that i heard it on Strangeland, and my sister tells me it is from HellRaiser, but it goes “Short is the pain, Long is the ornament” So folks just do it and you’ll be glad you did, I am. Peace out. Bill.
I had that piercing for the better part of a few years until I ripped it out accidently one night while I was sleeping. And when I say rip I mean my nipple, the ring got caught on a blanket and in one of my tossy-turns in the night it ripped it out. I woke up in a pool of blood. Benefits of having a nipple piercing are pretty straight forward, aside from it being awesome in general it made my nipple hyper sensitive to touch, sexually this pleased me because when I was with a girl who was very good with foreplay she would work that and the ring. A girlfriend at the time once got me off to an orgasm without ever touching my penis. It was pretty intense, man how I miss that sweet nipple piercing.
Popularity: 18% [?]
So, House of 1000 Corpses, Devils Rejects, Halloween and Halloween 2… I mean excuse me if I am underwhelmed. The “best” unarguably of this list would be Devils Rejects and that’s just going by popular opinion. I didn’t find that I enjoyed it so much. I like gratuity and over the top violence as much as the next person, but for Christs sake either show us too little or show us too much and give us a reason for it. Every time I watch a RZ film I feel like I am watching MTV from when I was a kid. Does he do this on purpose? I think his stuff sucks, some of it is watchable, but overall it sucks. The fact that he has even been given another chance to direct another Halloween film is just tragedy to me. I fell asleep during the last 15 minutes of the 1st one he did. Didn’t John Carpenter already master the crazy psychotic killer with the baby sitter thing back in the day? What the fuck else could possibly be added to it? oh wait RZ made him 14 and a half feet fucking tall that’s about it.
And how much of himself did he fantasize into his gigantic Michael Myers anyway? The fucking dude doesn’t talk, he has no depth, he isn’t even a human character in the traditional sense he is a plot device to antagonize the other characters. HOW then HOW can you make the movie about him and NOT the other characters? Yeah yeah he added his aging wife to the cast to put some human drama into the film, the 1 saving grace… other than that though it was a fucking Michael Myers music video. RZ Hang it up! Go back to making singles on radio 104!
Popularity: 3% [?]
3D = fun novelty w/headache. Film was kinda lame, but the gore was good. I would see it just for the 3d, but I wouldn’t buy the DVD or anything.
Popularity: 1% [?]
The best Burgers in Maine. I make it my priority to eat at Rapid Rays as often as possible when I visit Maine. They make the best burger I have ever had. Fresh meat, not sloppy not greasy. Ask for it “Loaded” which basically means Mustard, diced onions, relish and a tomato slice. I will go through 3 or 4 of these myself. Which isn’t too hard the burgers aren’t behemoth beef monstrosities like you get at Chilis or Applebees they’re normal sized burgers that rely more on TASTE than weight.
Rapid Rays is mostly take out, there isn’t anywhere to sit, but you could always sit in your car. They also make fantastic crab cakes, hotdogs and other grill style favorites.
*Ordering tip* When you go up to the window please tell them how many burgers you want 1st and when they’re cooked then tell them how you want them topped. Don’t just go up and ask for 7 cheese burgers with onions and relish. The correct protocol would be to ask for 7 cheese burgers or 7 hams, THEN when they’re done let the preparer know how you want them done.
I would suggest getting them loaded though that seems to be the famous style. Rapid Rays has been family owned and operated since the 60s or 70s, and when you go in to order you’ll see all the old black and white photographs on the wall which really gives you a sense of time and how long Rapids has been an anchor in Saco Maine.
Truly a one of a kind place you wont find anywhere else.
Popularity: 1% [?]
I love Szechaun food. my girlfriend is Szechaun and I have been to Szechaun. This place does Szechaun very well. Many of the Wait staff are from Chengdu (my girls hometown) including the chefs. They make great Szechaun dumplings, gong pao chicken, Ma po dofu, liang mien and other Szechaun favorites.
The atmosphere isn’t quite so decorated but its clean and well done. The tables are nice and the wait staff are extremely friendly and attentive. The menu which is gaining popularity in the local area has many rare Szechaun dishes that you wont be able to find outside of Flushing Queens or China itself. So I feel fortunate to have a place of this style in such close proximity. I have been to this restaurant a number of times and 90% of the time It has been with actual Szechaun people for birthdays or get-togethers. Looking around you will see indeed that many Chinese eat there as well, which is an indication that its food is authentically chinese.
I have yet to encounter authentic food of this caliber outside of this place and Flushing queens in the US. If you want a real Szechaun taste, this is the place to be.
Popularity: 1% [?]
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